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Winter means cold feet. Cold feet equal miserable
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[19 Feb 2004|09:32pm] |
arrr colleen 04: hi
In Dire Regret: hello..
arrr colleen 04: jack, what happened 2 us
In Dire Regret: i dont know i changed right
arrr colleen 04: thats what it feels like. but maybe that isnt it. but thats what it feels like
In Dire Regret: uh huh
arrr colleen 04: u dont care do u?
In Dire Regret: about what
arrr colleen 04: us. or the lack there of
arrr colleen 04: cauyse u have all them
arrr colleen 04: it doesnt make a difference to u does it
In Dire Regret: it does matter.well it did
arrr colleen 04: so it doesnt anymore?
In Dire Regret: i dont appreciate you sayin shit about me that isnt true
arrr colleen 04: what did i say?
In Dire Regret: im narrow minded?i think thats interesting
arrr colleen 04: ur acting like u are
In Dire Regret: how??
arrr colleen 04: bc u cant fuckin deal with ppl who have different opinions then u. u get all pissy. and i thought i was bad about that shit....
In Dire Regret: what????????????
In Dire Regret: are you serious
arrr colleen 04: i havent fuckin talked u since all the stuff about ur future basically...everyone fuckin acted like i was retarted and u were right there with um
In Dire Regret: ok that has nothing to with opinions.
arrr colleen 04: yea, bc no one fuckin talked 2 me afterwards bc they thought what i thought was messed up
In Dire Regret: because you critized me thats why
arrr colleen 04: but you know what jack, u have your new friends, and fine. seriously, whatever ok, i hope u guys are all happy and i hope u have great lives cause its really fuckin obvious that i am not wanted in that life. so ill just talk 2 u later
In Dire Regret: why you being like this
arrr colleen 04: bc u dont care! remember!!!! look at the beginning of the conversation okay, u dont care anymore and i seriously, not that i have a lot of friends, but the ones i have need 2 care. and u dont
In Dire Regret: i would care if you werent such a bitch about everything
arrr colleen 04: jack, seriously think about this!!! u dont fuckin talk 2 me for 2 weeks, u call me fuckin freakin out, sayin u still like me, i call u back 10 min later u tell me u dont, u put me through so much fuckin emotional bullshit and i dont fuckin need drama bc i fuckin have enough of it on my own
In Dire Regret: what i was the one that was calling you and you just never did so i said fuck it
arrr colleen 04: jack i didnt know what 2 fuckin think anymore
arrr colleen 04: all ur friends hated me, i figured u did 2. when u did call u never had shit 2 say, waht do u expect
arrr colleen 04: i mean seriously
In Dire Regret: because colleen you are just...i dunno
arrr colleen 04: ....
arrr colleen 04: ( i hate ... they fuckin drive me nutz...finish ur freakin sentence jackie! :-))
arrr colleen 04: (and i say that after i just typed themm...)
In Dire Regret: i dont know
arrr colleen 04: im amusing its a bad thing so u really dont have 2 finish the sentence
In Dire Regret: forget if you want to think im narrow minded and what not great...but ill tell you one thing me and bill are still great friends and we still talk just things are different so you dont know what youre talking about there
arrr colleen 04: who told u all this...cause jaun was the only person i told this stuff and he swore that he didnt say anything
In Dire Regret: and all live journal maybe
arrr colleen 04: i made that so only certin people would see it. or rather certin people couldnt
arrr colleen 04: so how did u or whoever seeit?
In Dire Regret: my friends are going to just let you talk shit when its bull and to let you know juan didnt tell me so dont get mad at him
In Dire Regret: arent*
arrr colleen 04: im not. i believed him when he told me he didnt
arrr colleen 04: but no, seriously...bc that journal,none of them should have been able 2 see it.... (Im not stuck on the fact u know right now,im stuck on the fact that somehow someone saw it who should not have been able 2)
In Dire Regret: it doesnt matter who saw it.you shouldve told me not other people though thats my point.if youre going to talk about me say it to me
arrr colleen 04: well u found out anywayz so i really didnt have 2
arrr colleen 04: now u know what i think and dont care about me so fine, fuck me and im out of ur life good bye. nice life. maybe ill see u at BND show but i will most likely b there 2 see bill
arrr colleen 04: later
In Dire Regret: i do care about you.i dont care about you saying shit though
arrr colleen 04: that doesnt make sense, bc if u didnt care about me saying shit, tuesday, u would have spoken to me. and u would still b my friend.
In Dire Regret: i mean i dont appreciate you talkin shit
arrr colleen 04: (sorry i knew tahts what u meant i just am being a bitch at the moment). jack look, like u havent sad shit about me...i find that almost impossible 2 believe
In Dire Regret: yeah ok
arrr colleen 04: u havent?
In Dire Regret: i dont feel like fighting anymore though so
arrr colleen 04: okay well it isnt solved. so fine. we will just leave it here, along with our friendship, bc if the problem isnt solved there is no friendship. so back 2 my fucking goodbye have a nice life for the third time
In Dire Regret: see youre the one that just wants to run away from this.so ok then fine
arrr colleen 04: u said u didnt feel like fighting
arrr colleen 04: and seriously, how else are we gonna solve this? cause i dont feel like tlaking calmly and ationally
arrr colleen 04: *rationally
arrr colleen 04: jack, why wont u just let u go...u have like 20 friends now, who will probably be better friends to u then i ever could. so just let this one go...im not that important
arrr colleen 04: *let it go
In Dire Regret: i wanna e your friend but not like this
arrr colleen 04: i wanna b ur friend 2, but not the u that ive seen lately. the jack that i was best friends with...but i get that it is basically impossible for u to see how u have changed bc when bill used 2 tell me i changed i thought he was full of shit. i get that u cant see it, but trust me, i see it. and i dont fuckin like it jack. i miss the old u, and i dunno, ur just different now okay
In Dire Regret: how though thats what i dont understand
arrr colleen 04: other then what u already know i cant explain it okay.
arrr colleen 04: i struggled 2 explain all that 2 jaun and i am sure some of it didnt even come out right. i cant explain it but i can feel it
In Dire Regret: i dont know anything except you think im narrow minded and hate people who do drugs which i think is bull
arrr colleen 04: dude, in the line at PTW, when that kid taht was desmond and terrance was talkin about how being straight edge is no fun and so on, u all lookedlike u were about 2 fuckin kill that kid
In Dire Regret: because he was an idiot
arrr colleen 04: exactly!
arrr colleen 04: u didnt fucin know him!
arrr colleen 04: but thats what u automatically thought!
arrr colleen 04: bc his opinion wasnt urs!
In Dire Regret: he said you were only sxe till your 21
arrr colleen 04: mayeb thats the expereince he has had with ppl who used 2 b sxe, u dont know...
In Dire Regret: ok but its not because my opinion was different it just how he was talking about shit
In Dire Regret: so dont be stupid
arrr colleen 04: but it wasnt shit in his opinion! and dont fuckin call me stupid
In Dire Regret: you are just being ridiculous
In Dire Regret: its like youre finding reasons not to be friend
In Dire Regret: so forget it then
arrr colleen 04: i tryed 2 say that about 3 times...just fuckin forget it, uve got better friends now
In Dire Regret: they dont act like a bitch and critize me evry fucking moment of my life
arrr colleen 04: okay so they are better then me, so fuckin stop IMing me back, bc im fucking done
i was gonna make it so people couldnt see but i changed my mind
person: Just private it Colleen.
person: Don't make things worse.
person: Doesn't mean you dive head first.
arrr colleen 04: there u go
arrr colleen 04: nope, i dont care. i dont fuckin care
arrr colleen 04: i know who my real friends are
arrr colleen 04: and i dont fuckin need them
person: Am I one of them?
arrr colleen 04: maybe i only have 3 friends but i swear, they are the best friends ill ever need
person: *Smiles*
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[19 Feb 2004|07:22pm] |
alright. so i left school after 2nd hour, bc of the all school field trip thing and me and william headed to fairlane. yea, i know, why am i hanging out with bill? good question. here is my answer. bc i cant see him everyday and not have him in my life. and he cant do it either. he apologized for the things he said and he actually sounded sincere when he did it. so anywho, the movie didnt start until 1225 so we sat in my car and played family fued on myphone until about 1130, then headed in, i played some ms pacman, he played some tekken. then into the theater. awesome awesome awesome movie. i feel so behind cause everyone has already seen it and told me its awesome and now i know for myself. then i came home, stopped by cvs. had a very rude lady tell me my pics were not back yet even though they were supposed 2 b there at 330 today. and man she was a bitch...i hate bitchy customer service ppl...just bc i am awesome with customers and i know that she can do better. it isnt that hard 2 fuckin smile and not have an attitude...it isnt...anywho, then to the gym. my mom and i tryed this step class, my mom gave up half way through cause it was actually really tricky. and it took a lot of patience and will take some time 2 get used 2. i liked it but i def. need 2 go more so i can get used to it. now i am here. friends is on in a half hour. yay i knew ross and rachel were gonna get back together!!!! i absolutely knew it!!!! i told u david!!! i told u!!! :) its in TV destiny haha...okay i am going. o, one more thing. i forgot my psych book at school and i have a whole chapters worth of HW to do thats due tomorrow,so i guess i wont be in that class tomorrow....
only 6 more ours of hell until a week of freedom!!!!!!
<3colleen
mm....mest fallout boy and matchbook romance...saturday...
ps: eileen comes home tomorrow night
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[19 Feb 2004|05:33pm] |
my wade mccree at state is official.... four years of free tuition here i come!!!!!!!
i am glad i was smart in middle school....that scholarship is nice...so nice...
no time 2 write, gotta go 2 gym, supposed 2 b there at 6 for a step class or something with the mother. i saw butterfly effect...soooo good. but yea no time, more later bye bye
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[18 Feb 2004|09:25pm] |
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Straylight Run {its for the best, from start to finish} |
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this entry is going to be short. just random things here we go
last night was poison the well. it was a good show but definitly not that best time i have had at a show. i dont think i have felt more out of place since my first time at redeemer YG. i talked 2 shaun basically the whole time. jack hardly spoke to me and nobody else did either. but i did disappear for like, a month so what do i expect i guess...one awesome thing that happened.
during artists rendering of me, this guy comes up to me and yells something about a photo pass. i thought he was asking me if i wanted him 2 take my camera and take pics for me bc he had a photo pass, but he was actually asking me if i wanted it. so i slapped that bitch on my shit and headed up, right below them, during my favorite song by them. i took probably 15 pics within those few minutes. it was amazing...sooooo amazing... then i ran out of film so i gave the kid his pass back and retreated to the side lines...
i get those pics back tomorrow so yay!!! tomorrow is going to include me coming home directly after school, running to CVS after 330, and going to the gym at 6. also there is some field trip that all the seniors are going on and any 9-11th graders with above a 3.5 i think. so basically the whole school is haulin ass over to the masonic temple to see bill cosby. but not i!!! i am leaving from 2-6th hour, not sure where i am going, but away from there. then coming back for 7th bc i need 2 go 2 physics like a good child.
i am going so out of order but here is today. school. i finished my piggy bank! :) today was our first day without mathis. i really hope his surgery goes well bc i cant have a sub in calculus, i cant teach myself, im not slick enough for that...anywho, i decided i am not writing about a walk 2 remember. there is not enough hard core research to get a 7-8 page paper out of. sadly enough. anywho, i am doing the importance and the affect of violence in pearl harbor. i gotta go buy that movie, cause ive only seen it like..2 times so...during 5th hour i went on a journey to my car, and trust me it was a journey. i leave ms jones room, forget my keys, call amir. he was already down to like one, 2 come let me back in a side door, so he had 2 go back up, get my keys. then i ran to my car, all the way around the other side of teh building, and if uve seen cass, u kno thats a fuckin haul, anywho, so then i had 2 go all teh way back around to get in. but it was worth it...i had perogi's for lunch!!! and chex!! and docter pepper! hottnes...
okay i am exhausted. work and the gym have totally killed me. i bought the new cosmo today...fun
so yup, later kids...
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[16 Feb 2004|08:18pm] |
The Basics
1. What's your full name: Colleen Marie Cole
2. What guys call you: well, mostly colleen, or cleany. new nickname i just got sunday would be Caffiene. haha that one amuses me
3. What girls call you: colleen, colen
4. What your parents/family calls you: colleen
5. What your teachers call you: colleen
6. Birth City: royal oak, mi
7. What hospital: beaumont hospitial
8. Time: 4:37am was when i was born
9. Hometown: detroit mi
where are ten and eleven??????
12. Birthday: october 1, 1986
13. Age: 17
14. Grade: senior
15. School: Cass Tech
16. Parents: jud and nancy
17. Siblings: eileen and pam
19. How is your room decorated (in detail): blue walls. the wall next 2 my bed has three harry potter psoters on it, simpsons poster, spiderman poster, suicide machines poster, vendetta red poser, story of the year poster and LTJ poster (well they arent quite posters, but like, u know, the things they have on teh walls at shows...). the other walls have random things on them
22. Screenname(s): arrr colleen 04, dieing to dream, brknbraclets
23. What is your natural eye color: hazel/green
24. What is your natural hair color:dark blonde
25. How is your hair cut: shoulderish with a slight layer
26. What size shoe do you wear: depends on the brand
SECTION TWO: What's your favourite?
1. Food: mac and cheese, veggie lasagna, soy products, chex
2. Drink: docter pepper, cherry coke
3. Fruit: Strawberries, grapes, green apples
4. Vegetable: green beans, baby corn, spinach
5. Color: black pink yellow orange
6. Cologne/perfume: Curve for guys. lovespell for girls<nice answers nella.i will just add cool water for guys
7. Part of the body: arms
8. Stuffed animal: joey, my teddy bear
9. Mall: southland and oakland
10. Candle scent: not sure
11. Store: salvation army, pac sun, journeys
13. Current song: steven, senses fail
14. Older song: the one b4 that on the list
15. Movie: empire records
16. Actor: shane west
17. Actress: amy smart
18. Animal: DUCKS
19. TV channel: not sure
20. TV show: friends
21. Radio station: 89X
22. Rapper: Eminem
where is 23?
24. Soundtrack: loin king. and empire records has a good one 2....
25. Boy name: Jalen Carter
26. Girl name: Savannah Jane
27. Flower: lilies
28. Holiday: birthday
29. Day of the week: Saturday
30. Month: october
31. Season: Summer
32. City: chicago or boston
33. State: north carolina, now, does it make sense that my fave cities arent in my fave state? nope buto well!
34. Vacation spot: north carolina
35. Age to be: 21
36. College football team: spartans baby!
37. Jeans brand: mudd
38a. Cartoon: wild thornberry's and simpsons, and recess
38b. Anime: Dislike
39. Place to drive around: wherever
40. Blanket: My TMNT blankie
41. Car: mustang, bwm 6 series, bmw z4
42. Eye color: green
43. Hair color: dark hair is good. and blonde is 2. dont amtter really...however i am not a fan off red heads really. i relly like bleached blonde that has dark roots comin out, thats hot
44. Pen ink color: Blue
45. Shoes that you own: my etnies. yup, my vans have now been replaced
46. Computer game: collapse
47. Quote: die young and save yourself.<nice nella. ill go with that since my mind is going blank
SECTION THREE: Person who...
1. Is your best friend: amir ben
2. You want to go out with: u all know who goes here but if u have been out of the loop, andy..still...dammit
3. You want: see above
4. Teases you the most: all my friends tease me...im their entertainment
5. You hate the most: leah kempinski
6. Makes you laugh the hardest: all of um
7. Makes you cry: bill. the day all that shit went down, that night i talked to bill on the phone and cryed so hard. the next morning my mom says "no one else ever makes you cry like that, it hurts me to hear you like that". yea, he definitly has a way of breaking me that no one else can do...
8. Makes you smile: all of um
9. You connect with: amir. and ben. we are like...so alike, esp. me and ben, its crazy...
10. Has your same clothing style: i dunno...
11. Is most like you personality wise: not sure
12. You lie to: parents...but im trying to not
Where is 13??
14. You wish you never met: no one goes here, bc i wouldnt b who i am today without every single person i have interacted with for long periods of time...
15. Wears you out: bill. he stresses me out so much sometimes
16. You love to hate: dunno
17. You hate to love: bill. and the person i hate to like is andy
18. Go to for advice: amir
19. Trust the most: ben and amir
No 20
21. Care for the most: ben amir jack bill anna pam eileen
22. Love: i love everyone who is listed above
SECTION FOUR: questions about the real you
1. Ever been in love: Yes
2. Ever had sex: Yes
3. What do you wish you had more of: friends
4. What do you wish you had less of: drama
5. Whats the best feeling in the world: being in love with someone who loves u back...
6. Whats the worst feeling in the world: rejection.
7. What song puts you in a good mood: any c22 from keasbey nights, old LTJ, just u kno, upbeat yay stuff!!!!
8. What song puts you in a bad mood: my immortal-evanessence
9. When are you happiest: sleeping and when i am with friends
10. When are you the saddest: when my brain wont stop thinking about bad shit
12. What makes you vulnerable: dunno
13. When is the last time you cried: friday
14. When was the last time you were TRULY happy: good question
15. Have you ever thought about suicide: Yup
16. Have you ever had an eating disorder: :/
17. Have you ever been depressed: not clinically
18. What is your biggest fear: losing friends/family and rejection
19. Have you ever had a broken heart: Yes
20. Do you ever hurt people intentionally: no
21. What is one thing you cannot stand: most people.<nice nella
HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Kissed someone: Yes
2. Been in love: Yes
3. Been so drunk you blacked out: once
4. Cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend: i cheated on ben defever....
5. Kept a secret from everyone: dont think so
6. Set a body part on fire: lol no
7. Had an imaginary friend: a duck named tony when i was little
8. Called or seen a psychic:no i want 2 though...i really wanna get my tarrot cards read
9. Ever cried at a chick flick: of course!
10. Had a crush on a teacher: mr snead is fuckin hott!!!!!!!
11. Found a cartoon character attractive: bart simpson...thats hot right there
12. Ever at anytime owned a New Kids on the block tape: yup. i have a puzzle poster of them on my wall, behind my door
13. Watched Punky Brewster: nope
14. Prank called someone: yea but i always crack up...always
15. Eaten a whole box of cookies and thought you were fat after: never in one sitting
16. Been on stage: not really. o no...mock rock...im gonna freeze.
17. Gotten in a car accident: i wasnt driving *knock on wood*
DO YOU...
1. Wear eye shadow: nope
2. Have a dog: yee
3. Want a tattoo, and where: i have 2, i want more dammit! but now for awhile
4. Have any regrets: Yes
5. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: nope
6. Crush: yes
7. Do you have a best friend: i have 2
8. Who do you go to for advice: amir
9. Who knows all your secrets: dont have any
10. Who do you cry with: myself. i try 2 not cry around ppl.....i usually never do,except for that small inncident last week, but that only last like...2 min
DO YOU BELIEVE IN...
1. God/Devil: yes, but for some reason i dont believe in the devil, just God...
2. Yourself: nope
3. Your friends: Yeah
4. Aliens: nope
5. Love: im starting 2 think ill never love again...
7. Signs: yes
8. The Closet Monster: have u not seen monsters inc?
9. One person for everyone?: used 2...dont anymore
SECTION Numbers
1. Number of times you have been in love: 1
2. Number of times you have had your heart broken: 1
3. Number of hearts you've have broken: possibly 2
4. Number of boys I have kissed in my life: 8
5. Number of girls I have kissed: 1 haha it was a dare...
6. Number of continents I have visited: uno
7. Number of drugs taken illegally: 2 nella...that last one...yikes....
8. Number of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends:2
9. Number of people from high school that I stayed in contact with: i think will probably only stay in contact with 3, jack amir and bill
10. Number of CD's that I own: about 80ish i think, if not more..actually i think its more...
11. Number of piercings: none
12. Number of tattoos: two
13. Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: uno
14. Number of scars on my body: a have a lot...well probably like...4 that i can think of right away
15. Number of scars on my heart: uno
16. Number of people that have made me scared of what they could do to me physically: none i dont think
17. Number of things in my past that I regret: one big, lots of little
18. Number of peanuts you have eaten in your life: not a fan...
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the random, first twenty songs thing, ill put as many as play while i am sitting here, cause i dont know if it will b twenty (i only have about 145 songs...)
1.brand new {soco amertto lime}
2. brand new {flying at tree level}
3. senses fail {steven}
4. michelle brand {goodbye to you, acoustic stle}<great song....
5. ben folds five {air}
6. eighteen visions {love in autumn}
7. evanessence {my immortal}
8. incubus {megalomanic}
9. mest {forget you}
10. senses fail {the ground folds}
11. the juliana theory {white days}
12. thursday {cross out the eyes}
13. Linkin Park {Numb}
14. fuel {bad day}
15. chicago soundtrack, cell block tango
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[16 Feb 2004|05:32pm] |
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today i felt dead all day. not sad. just dead. i was just going through the motions of a typical day without putting any thought into it. here are the few things that stood out
ceramics: so u know my piggy bank i am making? well, i brought in a pic of porky pig to model it after cause he is cuter then real pigs and she said we needed a pic. she bitched at about three things today, that whore.
1. the fact that i had a pic of porky pig and not a real pig.
2. "you cant make a bank, you are aiming for stuff to go into competitions, and they wont take a bank" <my thoughts on that: u said i could make what i want bitch and im making a bank. and i dont want my shit in a competition cause i wont get it back. and so i left it as a bank, and just ignored her while she stood there talking to me.
3. i put the feet on my pig and i wasnt supposed 2. <my thoughts on that: bitch, it took me five mine to make the feet, 2 2 make the head and a second to make the tail. what the fuck do u want me 2 do with the rest of class? and when my clay gets dryed out cause ur dumb ass wouldnt let me attached them, u besta give me new clay
sorry but my ceramics teacher really pisses me off. i just want to smack her like...constantly. lemme think, what else happened today that stood out...
i actually went to physics. bill had given me answers to the quiz( he has it 3rd hour) but mr. uduma is smarter then i thought, and made seperate quizzes for each class, so i was on my own. i think i did alright though. i turned in the worksheet i missed turning in last week. as of lie, last wednesday i had a 93.7% in there, but now i am missing a lab, so i am probably down to a b. but if i keep doing good on shit i could probably get it back up 2 an A, i hope...
after school
came home, put in a load of laundry (which i need 2 go change) and cleaned up half of my room. then i went to work bc i left my cd's there yesturday. andy was there. *sigh* damn him. then i dropped off film at CVS and went to subway (6 inch veggie on wheat, lettuce, cucmbers, tomatoes, jalenpos, provolone cheese and pepperjack cheese, and the chipotle dressing, sooooo goood......). then i came home. ate that, while watching that 70's show. now i am here.but i am about 2 get offline cause i wanna finish cleaning my room and finish laundry, b4 i get 2 tired. and i need 2 go to the gym tonight.
tomorrow i am going to PTW.i gotta haul my ass to the bank directly after school and then out 2 record time cause i know it will sell out at the door but i am hoping to catch it b4 it does. i will call record time and make sure it isnt sold out b4 i go there though...so yea, im done, bye bye kids
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[15 Feb 2004|09:09pm] |
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::im bored.
::my eyes burn, i should take out my contacts more.
::jen said i shouldnt give up. i want to. but i dont want to. *eek*
::i miss a lot of people. want me 2 name them?
jack david jeremy joey pam eileen anna bill
::i suppose winter will always be the worst time of year, with the worst thoughts and the worst worried...fuck...
::yesturday the weather was nice. i wore my cut off dickies and a teeshirt. and when the sun was out, i didnt freeze.
:: miss summer
::there are less the 70 days of school left...so close...yet so far.
::my brain feels totallydead
::i am so bored. ive been in front of the computer for 2 long with nothing productive to do. yet i cant seem 2 pry myself away.
:: have i ever told you that i think that tv and computer screens create the perfect amont of light for sleeping...they really do...
::my favorite pj pants are like....so basicalyl dead. the rip up the left leg is seriously up to my knees. and i still wear them constantly...i <3 old navy pj pants...
im done giving u random thoughts that you dont care about. i think i am going to go to bed. and yes, i know it is only nine thirteen, but my brain/heart/eyes/body/soul/everything is hurt and tired and just...exhausted...maybe i will write a little in the story...oooo...story of teh year just came on...(my playlist is on random) tasty...in english on like..thursday, lantz was singing me story of the year, until the day i die, bc i was in a bad mood and he was just trying so hard to make me smile and it so worked haha. o man...i want someone to love...someone to love me...i want someone 2 go sledding with, i want someone to just...lay with, to talk with, to laugh with. to learn with. my favorite times with bill were always when we would lay in his bed and just like, laugh at each other, and tickle each other, and eventually the tickling woudl get crazy and his covers would get all messed up (he hates that) and the i would jump on his pillow and he would go nutz...(hes picky about his pillow...hates when feet touch it, it always has 2 b a certin way haha). and i am only talking about my favorite times with bill cause i dont really have anyone else to talk about. well i guess i could. with carl, my favorite time was definitly going to the zoo...hehe damn it was cold that day. but the animals were fun..and so was he. haha o man. and my favorite time with matt would probably b one of the times when we would just chill on his couch, tv on, talking and what not...that damn hondo element commercial with the legos still makes me think of u, since yea...u know why, just cause yea...haha im lame. and my favorite time with joey was...i had a lot of fun with joey...hmm...the day he came over my house, that was a fun time...i killed him at mario kart...haha ok this entry was sooo pointless. and way to long. but it felt so good 2 write. just get all these thoughts of out my head. kind of like my version of a pensive...amir u know what im talkin about. man, i wish i went to Hogwarts...and i wish that Dumbledore was here, with his sweet advice...and ahhh haha im lame. and as u can see, i am becoming even more random them usual, and tahts sayin something, so i am going to go. i know no one read that whole thing but if by some miracle u did, the leave me a note, it would b awesome 2 know who actually cared that much. or else who just had nothing esle 2 do :) later, for real this time...
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[15 Feb 2004|08:26pm] |
10. Little Bit of Everything Survey
> 1) Single or Taken: single damnit
> 2) Height: 5'3ish...im short
> 3) Sign: Libra, go me!
> 4) Siblings: Pam and Eileen
> 5) Hair color: black, naturally dark blondish
> 6) Eye color: hazel/green. amir says green but my birthcertificate says hazel, take ur pick, i personally like 2 rep green hehe
> 7) Shoe size: depends. my chucks are like...i dunno, 7's, my etnies are 7's, but my avns (both pairs) are 8's....
> 8) Full name: Colleen Marie
*-;-* R e l a t i o n s h i p s~*
> 1) Who are your best friends: EAmir, Ben. I miss jack. and is it me or is this list constantly getting shorter....
> 2)Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: nope
> 3) Did you send this to your crush: nope
> 4) Did your crush send this to you?: nope
> 5) Name the last person you went out with: as in bf? well technically as in they said will u go out with me and i said yes, would b bill. but the last guy i liked who liked me was joey. and if u mean went out with as in hung out with, amir. haha wow
> 6) Are you still with them?: nope. and i see now that u meant the first way i answered the above question
> 7) If not, why did you break up? reasons.
*-;-*F a s h i o n S t u f f *-;-*
> 1) Where is/are your favorite place(s) to shop: Salvation Army and Value World for shirts, Sears or PacSun for pants, shoes usually pacsun or journeys....yee buddy
> 2) Any tattoos or piercing: 2 tattoos, no piercings
;-* T h e E x t r a S t u f f *-;-*
> 1) Do you do drugs: nope
> 2) What kind of shampoo do you use: garnier fructis sometimes, and i actually wash my hair about twice a week with polmolive dishsoap and finish it up with an intense conditioner...it is actually helping with the color, the black is very very very very very slowly going away
> 3) What kind of conditioner do you use: garnier fructis
> 4) What are you most scared of: rejection, loosing friends (i know this one 2 well now)
> 5) What are you listening to right now?: a torrid love affair [Boys Night Out} just ended as i type, and Deatch Cab For A Cutie [All Is Full Of Love} just startec
> 6) What car do you wish to have: 2003 ford mustang convertible in midnight blue, tan leather interior... OR.... a black jeep wrangler...
> 7) Who is the last person that called you: umm....not sure, people never call me
> 8) Where do you want to get married: good question
> 9) How many messenger buddies do you have? 50
x. My Father thinks I am: his little spartan :/ (to much pressure)
x. My mother thinks I am: a failure
x. My sister thinks I am: lovely
x. My brother thinks I am: they think i am great hehe...
x. My grandma thinks I am: my mom's mom doesnt like me, my dad's stepmom likes me...i like her 2....my mom's mom is really..."traditional..." i think she thinks i am like...a freak or sumthin...or at least thats how she acts...
x. Three things you are often complimented for: i get that i smell good lot...eyes...nothing else really
x. A compliment you got that made you blush: anything
x. Makes you happy: andy still does...except when i think about the messed up stuff...same with bill, when he isnt an ass. Amir and Ben always make me happy
x. Upsets you: lots
Y e s O r N o. . .
x. You keep a diary:ur reading it hun
x. You like to cook: i do, i do...i wish i was better at it...but i think i do pretty good for a 17 year old who doesnt have access to teh food network....
x. You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: no, i cant keep my mouth shut for the life of me
x. You believe in love: there is a huge part of me that thinks ill never fall in love again...and it grows a little more everyday
L a s t . . .
x. Movie you rented: jason vs freddy and pirates of teh caribbean, last night with amir. last one i rented on my own was How Stella Got Her Groove Back
x. Movie you bought: Bugs Life
x. Song you listened to: Headstrong, by Trapt is playing now hehe...
x. Song you've downloaded: not sure
x. CD you bought: the Rufio Ep
x. CD you listened to: my "mainstream" mix cd hehe
x. TV show you've watched: i was watching friends awhile ago...
x. Person you were thinking of: hmmmm cause u all cant guess this answer...if u cant, its andy
D o . . .
x. You wish you could live somewhere else: sometimes...i like detroit though...
x. Others find you attractive: dont think so
x. You want more piercings: ick, no, piercings are not for me...
x You do drugs: u already asked this...and its no
x. You smoke: nope
x. You like cleaning: i clean when i am stressed
x. You like roller coasters: they are fucking awesome!!!!
x. You write in cursive or print: its like...a mix...i write in total chicken scratch. 2 people can ALWAYS read my writing, amir and bill
x. You carry a donor card: nope
x. You have a crush on somebody: andrew russell k***k
H a v e Y o u. . .
x. Ever cried over a boy/girl: who hasnt at this age...
x. Ever lied to someone: who hasnt at this age....
x. Ever been arrested: nope, thank god
W h a t . . .
x. Shampoo do you use: i dont feel like answering this twice...it isnt improtant enough
x. Shoes do you wear: today i wore my black and pink vans, cause those are my work shoes, yesturday i wrote my grey and pink etnies. and other times i vary between my red chucks and my old ass vans
x. Are you scared of: see question above the last...
N u m b e r . . .
x. Of times you have been in love: 1
x. Of times you have had ur heart broken: 1. i dont think ur heart can get truly broken unless u were in love...and ive only been in love once. and if u disagree, wait til u fall in and love and get ur heart broken, the other ones will b nothing compared to that
x. Of hearts you have broken: i dont know if i have ever really broken someones heart...i know i have really hurt 2 people...and i never meant to...
x. Of guys/girls you have kissed: eight
x. Of people you've slept with: two
x. Of people you consider you're enemies: one. and u all know the name, lets say it together "LEAH KEMPINSKI!" fuck i hate that bitch
x. Of CDs' that you own: lots....my cd case really has like...5 spaces left...
x. Of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: once, about a month ago hehe
W i t h T h e O p p o s i t e S e x . . .
x. What do you notice first: hair
x. Last person you danced with: dont know
W h o . . .
x. Makes you laugh the most: all my friends are funny
x. Makes you smile: all my friends
x. Do you have a crush on: andy
x. Has a crush on you: according to jen, andy, but even if he does, and he shouldnt, he has a gf so it doesnt matter!!!!!
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[15 Feb 2004|04:21pm] |
"If All Else Fails"
A subdued silence undisturbed by the sound of her breath.
So carefully, brush her hair back from her eyes
In steady sequence, one by one.
She slips away.
So close your eyes and sleep to dream.
I'm by your side.
No words to speak.
We'll set our course and make it through.
No matter how far I go my heart remains with you.
And I'm not sure what I'm looking for.
But it's clear to see the purpose of my exsistance Is laying here in front of me.
So close your eyes and sleep to dream.
I'm by your side.
No words to speak.
We'll set our course and make it through.
No matter how far I go
And if all else fails you can look up at the sky
Because it's the same one that shines above you and I.
And if all else fails you can close your eyes
And I'll be right beside you.
I'll be the one by your side.
So close your eyes and sleep to dream.
I'm by your side.
No words to speak.
We'll set our course and make it through.
No matter how far I go
No matter how much this hurts
I wanted you to know,
My heart remains with you.
matchbook romance
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[15 Feb 2004|04:03pm] |
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mood |
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 arrr....i like andy... |
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music |
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matt skiba {the city that day} |
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i know, its amazing, i didnt update yesturday. i know....crazy...anywho
Friday: went to ben's. we were both all hyper and crazy. but then we drove all the way to simones to find taht she could no longer join us. thats were some of our energy died. then ben's mom and dad both call him bitching at hime, and there went the rest of our energy. so we saw barber shop 2. i liked the first one better but this one was good 2. after that we went to subway...then i dropped off ben and headed home
saturday:
worked 6-1. work was...uneventful. i still like andy. i cant help it. i told myself i should start the whole :getting over process: but i couldnt. i cant. fuck. ill survive. anywho, after that i came home and watched waterboy and napped. then i went to amirs. i stopped at record time and got my mest ticket. and the rufio ep for like...3 dollars i think it was :). then on to amirs. we amused ourselves by recording funny shit on my video camera. we made a talk show, and commercials and stuff. it was funny. then we had a horror movie. well 2 actually haha. one where i get killed and one where he gets killed. then we went 2 blockbuster, got freddy vs. jason and pirates of teh caribbean. we ordered food, salad and friends, yummy :). then i headed home at about 11, i was dead tired.
today: worked 6-3:30. we had a good crew today hehe. me jenny dante andy and lauren. no one i hate!!! actually i only dislike like...one person i work with so...anywho, now i am here. listening to matt skiba...he's so sexy/hott/orgasmic haha. i think a nap, laundry, HW and a room cleaning session are in order for today....im outtie kids...
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[13 Feb 2004|07:22pm] |
ben just showed me his butt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*my eyes burn with these tears!!!!!!!!!!!* LMAO ben is hilarious! but ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
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| fucked up bullshit |
[13 Feb 2004|07:10pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated, but like, happy ha |
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music |
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Aaliyah [are you that somebody] |
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yup, i finally got waht i fuckin deserved u guys!!!!!! not only did andy ditch me but he ahs a gf!! and then, he had 2 bnerve to ask me if i wanted 2 hang out tomorrow after work! here is a basic run down of the conversation
andy: hey, whats up
me: not much, whats up with you
andy: not much but im really sorry but i am going to have to cancel on you tonight
me: o
andy: sorry, i forgot i was supposed 2 hang out with my girlfriend. and since tomorrow is valentines day she really wants to do something
*shits her pants at the fact that he has a gf*
me: o okay, thats cool.
andy: um, but what are you doing tomorrow after work?
me: going out with some friends (me and amir= dinner at benihana, pimpass shit...)
andy: o. sweet. well ill see u tomorrow at work then
me: yup, bye
andy: bye
isnt that some bullshit fuckin hoe ass shit!!!!! and i dont get it!!!! if u have a gf dont act like u dont mpotherfucker! and dante told me andy didnt have a gf! he told me andy said he didnt!!!!!!!!!!! wtf....!!!!!!!!! anywho, yea, i am at ben's. dont know what we are doin but i always have a good time with this kid so yup:) hes in the shower and he just yelled "colleen, in a sexy beast!!!" and i go "whoooooooooooo hooooooooooooo!" haha o man, fun times ahead! peace out!
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| somehow |
[13 Feb 2004|03:48pm] |
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somehow today was not the hell i imagined. yea, my phone almost got taken and yea, there were a few sweet o grams. but my phone didnt is the name thing, and there werent so many that i wanted 2 stab myself somehow with the fucking flowers. anywho, so tonight supposedly me and andy are goin 2 the movies. supposedly. it all depends on him calling me at some point b4 i get fed up and do something else. i will probably wait until like...7:30ish. cause i mean we jus talked yesturday and we are still supposed 2 go, but i dont know what time and what not so he has 2 call me...anywho...umm yea today didnt suck. now i am here. and now i am gone :)
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[13 Feb 2004|03:39pm] |
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halfblackboy (3:39:35 PM): hes a littl penis face
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[12 Feb 2004|10:39pm] |
FacingOblivion (10:37:29 PM): Me and you. Floating in different boats, but heading in the same direction on choppy oceans.
arrr colleen 04 (10:38:12 PM): i think my boat has a hole in the bottom....
arrr colleen 04 (10:38:19 PM): and i just dropped an oar
FacingOblivion (10:38:30 PM): -Laughs- I'm Captain Jacking mine.
arrr colleen 04 (10:38:38 PM): (that was supposed 2 b funny but serious :-)
FacingOblivion (10:38:38 PM): I'm in the crows nest, and the rest is under water.
arrr colleen 04 (10:38:42 PM): hehe
FacingOblivion (10:38:43 PM): I know. So was mine.
arrr colleen 04 (10:38:48 PM): wow...we are awesome :-)
gotta love me some shaun
haha so i pasted that 2 amir and he says
LovezbiacH (10:40:19 PM): *puts a cork in your hole*
i love amir. and shaun and ben and god, the friends i do have are just...the best...
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[12 Feb 2004|07:34pm] |
blite0324 (7:24:21 PM): and i think i migh tmurder someone
blite0324 (7:24:23 PM): ;-)
arrr colleen 04 (7:24:44 PM): who?
arrr colleen 04 (7:24:46 PM): bill?
blite0324 (7:25:02 PM): pertty much
arrr colleen 04 (7:25:24 PM): errrr there is this part of me that wouldnt stop u....
arrr colleen 04 (7:26:05 PM): its a very large part to....
arrr colleen 04 (7:26:09 PM): *too
blite0324 (7:26:10 PM): hehe
arrr colleen 04 (7:26:18 PM): waht ys think?
arrr colleen 04 (7:26:19 PM): *ya
arrr colleen 04 (7:26:21 PM): *what
blite0324 (7:26:32 PM): and my other part would take care of the smaller part of you who doesnt want him destroyed
arrr colleen 04 (7:26:45 PM): hhe
arrr colleen 04 (7:26:55 PM): *hehe
blite0324 (7:27:15 PM): i think(and its easy to say)you should jsut sasy fuck bill. it doesnt sound like he really cares about you. he keeps coming to you out of a sense of confort
blite0324 (7:27:17 PM): you nkow what i mean
blite0324 (7:27:37 PM): you cant let him be a dick head to you adn then you let come back
blite0324 (7:27:48 PM): keeping friends after long relationships is never an easy thing
blite0324 (7:27:55 PM): theres too many emotions involved
arrr colleen 04 (7:28:33 PM): thats what people have been telling me for so long. and i never listened. but i think i am really gonna listen this time
blite0324 (7:28:51 PM): i mean....i know what youre thinking and prolly waht bill is thinking
blite0324 (7:29:01 PM): and im telling you...hes not comign back for sincere reasons
blite0324 (7:29:07 PM): so matter what the fuck he says
blite0324 (7:29:32 PM): no
arrr colleen 04 (7:29:43 PM): *sigh*
blite0324 (7:29:58 PM): i mean, i know its not an easy thing
blite0324 (7:30:03 PM): and it'll prolly hurt
arrr colleen 04 (7:30:23 PM): its just hard cause he was such a huge part of my life for so long, i just dont know, i think there is part of me taht feels that since i wouldnt be who i am today with out him, i guess i am scared ill go back 2 the old me without him in my life
arrr colleen 04 (7:30:24 PM): or sumthin
blite0324 (7:30:26 PM): btu if you can get over him, get him out of your system, things should start to look up
blite0324 (7:31:01 PM): you dont have to lose what he has helped you become...who you are....
blite0324 (7:31:06 PM): becasue thats part of who you are now
arrr colleen 04 (7:31:24 PM): im just really scared to not have him in my life for some reason. and i dont know why
blite0324 (7:31:34 PM): i can understand that
blite0324 (7:31:41 PM): but you have your friends
blite0324 (7:31:43 PM): yo uahve your fam
blite0324 (7:31:47 PM): you dont need him
arrr colleen 04 (7:32:03 PM): yee
blite0324 (7:32:20 PM): once you get over the hump, leave him, it wont be so scary
arrr colleen 04 (7:32:53 PM): i hope ur right sir...
blite0324 (7:32:55 PM): just dont elt him get close to you, ya know
blite0324 (7:33:06 PM): i mean...itll be like any new experience
blite0324 (7:33:36 PM): you'll be scared and unsure of yourself at first..but youre gonna pull though itand become accustomed to it
blite0324 (7:33:40 PM): adn tehn it wont be a big deal
blite0324 (7:33:48 PM): and you'll even wanna video tape me baeting the shit out of him
arrr colleen 04 (7:33:58 PM): :-) i already want to
blite0324 (7:34:03 PM): good
^^ conversation with ben's brother, joey. i love my brothers....sooooo much.
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| letter to bill |
[12 Feb 2004|06:53pm] |
this is a letter i wrote to bill, last night. after we got off the phone. after he made me hate myself. after i cryed harder then i have in a long time. and after i called ben, so made me feel so much better, and brought a smile to my face. i love that kid. here it is
oh? so we are back to nothing again? in your eyes "im dirty. im slutty" and yea, you have been with more people then me, and yea, u cheated on with two people, but "i am a girl, so that makes it different". billy, kiss my ass. i thought i cared that we had fallen apart again, and maybe tomorrow i will. but right now, i dont. i would have sworn on my life that you and me were finally real friends. that our past was behind us and that we could really be open and honest about everything that we had struggled with before, about the shit that just was not said because we didnt want to hurt each other. and i didnt think this would hurt us. and i see now that that was niave and just plain ignorant of me. and trust me, if somehow we become friends again (which i highly doubt) i will just keep my mouth shut. then our friendship will be totally superficial. sure, tehre will be no depth, and no real emotion involved but we will both be happy! or at least pretend to be. i am going to stop blabbing soon. to end this up, i know that my feeling of thiking you must be in my life will go away. i have a few real friend who can accept me and all the flaws that i come with because they realize that deep down my intentions were never to hurt you or anyone. and yea, i maybe only have like, 3, but they are the best friends i would ever wish for, and u would b lucky to have friends who are half as loyal as them. good night, good bye, have a good life.
yea, i just wrote that in a journal. i never planned on giving it 2 him. today was just shitty. in first hour, my friend jasmine (jaun, u know her, her real name is manuela!!!) was telling me how bill was talking about it yesturday in his 2nd and 3rd hour. and just, when she was telling me this i was just sitting there thinking of there was anyway i could possibly convince my mom to let me transfer. then the bell rang and i told amir. and i started crying. i felt like a fuckin pussy. and when bill walked past me and amir, he just had this little smirk on his face, like he was so glad that i was crying. like this is what i deserved. and other then that not much was said. in psychology we were having a class discussion about someting and i cant remeber what was said, but laura goes
"just like hoes will be hoes." *looks over at me* "wait, let me stop"
i wanted to fucking get up and smack her. and i was so tempted to smack bill after 1st hour. of course i didnt. i dunno, i just...today i just couldnt get it off my head, i wanted to know who knew, i just...i just..i dunno. and i just....errrr...past few min i keep thinkin boutt he fact that bill cheated on me with two fucking people. after i found out i just wanted 2 call jack and tell him that the whole he liked colleen, b4 she liked him, bill and colleen were doin shit. i wanted to. i wanted to sink to his level, i wanted to give him a taste of his own fuckin medicine. but i didnt. and just, i am taking Dori(finding nemo)'s advice, or trying to....
"just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming..."
i just gotta keep goin. i gotta keep living my life. i cant let it get me down and god i am trying but failing so much...im going. talking about this shit makes me feel sick to my stomach...
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| why do i do this? |
[11 Feb 2004|09:56pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed and tired |
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music |
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my immortal \ evannessence and love in autumn\eighteen vis. |
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why do i do this? everynight b4 i get off the computer i listen to My Immortal. and it makes me sad. i just called bill. his line was busy. he didnt answer his cell. i miss him. its my fault though, i shouldnt have told him. i was reading old emails from people who used to care about me. it makes me feel so stupid bc i had people who cared about me and i let them get away. and now i have like...two. ben and amir. and yup thats my fault and nope im not look for pity. i just feel like shit... amir, i know you dont check ur emial very much but i changed a little at the end of the last part of teh story you got, so check the darkmanamir@hotmail.com account. or ill see u tomorrow andtry 2 remember 2 print it. and amir, do u psych HW...i am going to go 2 mine...i need 2 just sleep but i have os much to do. i am gonna go write more story. well actually i am just adding in things to what i already have...not that u guys care...ok my immortal is over. now my next sad/ beautiful song, love in autumn...bye kids
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[11 Feb 2004|09:43pm] |
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mood |
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powerful |
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music |
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christina aguleria \ cant hold us down |
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So what am I not supposed to have an opinion
Should I be quiet just because I'm a woman
Call me a bitch cos I speak what's on my mind
Guess it's easier for you to swallow if I sat and smiled
When a female fires back
Suddenly the target don't know how to act
So he does what any little boy will do
Making up a few false rumors or two
That for sure is not a man to me
Slanderin' names for popularity
It's sad you only get your fame through controversy
But now it's time for me to come and give you more to say
This is for my girls all around the world
Who've come across a man who don't respect your worth
Thinking all women should be seen, not heard
So what do we do girls?
Shout louder!
Letting them know we're gonna stand our ground
Lift your hands high and wave them proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will, can't hold us down
\Nobody can hold us down
Nobody can hold us down
Nobody can hold us down
Never can, never will So what am I not supposed to say what I'm saying
Are you offended by the message I'm bringing
Call me whatever cos your words don't mean a thing
Guess you ain't even a man enough to handle what I sing
If you look back in history
It's a common double standard of society
The guy gets all the glory the more he can score
While the girl can do the same and yet you call her a whore
I don't understand why it's okay
The guy can get away with it & the girl gets named
All my ladies come together and make a change
Start a new beginning for us everybody sing
This is for my girls all around the world
Who've come across a man who don't respect your worth
Thinking all women should be seen, not heard
What do we do girls?
Shout louder!
Letting them know we're gonna stand our ground
Lift your hands high and wave 'em proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will, can't hold us down Lil' Kim:
Check it - Here's something I just can't understand
If the guy have three girls then he's the man
He can either give us some head, sex her off
If the girl do the same, then she's a whore
But the table's about to turn
I'll bet my fame on it
Cats take my ideas and put their name on it
It's aiight though, you can't hold me down
I got to keep on movin'
To all my girls with a man who be tryin to mack
Do it right back to him and let that be that
You need to let him know that his game is whack
And Lil' Kim and Christina Aguilera got your back
But you're just a little boy
Think you're so cute, so coy
You must talk so big
To make up for small lil' things
So you're just a little boy
All you'll do is annoy
You must talk so big
To make up for small lil' things
This is for my girls...
This is for my girls all around the world
Who've come across a man who don't respect your worth
Thinking all women should be seen, not heard
So what do we do girls?
Shout louder!
Letting them know we're gonna stand our ground
Lift your hands high and wave 'em proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will, can't hold us down
This is for my girls all around the world
Who've come across a man who don't respect your worth
Thinking all women should be seen, not heard
So what do we do girls?
Shout louder!
Letting them know we're gonna stand our ground
Lift your hands high and wave 'em proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will, can't hold us down
Spread the word, can't hold us down
this song makes me feel...empowered....i love it hehe
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brknbraclets's journal